I think there reaches a point where you watch shows that aren’t your demographic and wince a little bit because they’re just…awful. Even when looking at stuff from way back when you actually liked them can either blind you in nostalgia and not see how bad it really is, like the first Harry Potter movie…I’d best block comments now for the flaming this is going to get…But then Harry Potter isn’t Power Rangers.
Yes, that’s right, The Zero actually ENJOYS something…if you ignore my last review where I praised Mickey’s Speedway…And of all things, it’s. fucking. Power Rangers. Well, Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers to be precise, Ninja Storm can go and die for all I care. I mean, you only need to listen to the theme song to get pumped up and kick some ass.
In case you grew up before or after the 90’s and have no fucking idea what I mean by Rangers of Power…that morph…and are…mighty (It is pretty self explanatory) I’ll explain to you in as little detail as possible because I only get paid by the guy who owns this site if I post a minimum of 500 words of actual review and I refuse to go over 1,000…for tax reasons.
The story of the Power Rangers is that Rita Repulsor, a woman who I’m convinced I saw in a porn once [That sounds vile – Bad Taste Ed] an evil empress of evil is freed from a space dumpster (trust me on this) and decides to take over the next planet she sees…guess which one that is…. So a dome headed robot and hologram face (I don’t remember names and I can’t be arsed to research) [Alpha 5 and Zordon, do some research next week or you’re fired – ED] decide to assemble a crack team of Marvel’s greatest heroes a bunch of 5 teenagers to defeat her…slowly… thankfully Zorgon gives them magical powers to transform into spandex clad warriors who can summon Zords based on mighty creatures (basically giant robots based Dinosaurs, Mammoths, Oprah etc…)
Obviously, the main reason I mention this is because this weeks game…is actually Ty The Tasmanian Tiger, I just felt like talking about Power Rangers…ha-ha only joking. We’re playing Might Morphin’ Power Rangers on the SNES. Now usually the first thing I comment on is the story, or lack of one as there tends to be with this sort of thing, but to be honest, I imagine the game just boils down the storyline to its core of “Power Rangers beat goons, beat bigger goons, fight Rita” and spread over 4 acts, like theatre, BUT WITH GOONS. I wish Shakespeare had goons in his plays…
After a title sequence that makes no sense if you’re not familiar with the show (Rita appears in the sky and the gang watch. At some point one of them obviously went… “that’s not right) you start at the character select screen, this is rather pointless as all the characters basically control the same and whilst their attacks differ in animation, their function is pretty much the same, the only slight difference is that in pink ranger form (I’m not even going into the stereotypes here) Kimberly has a projectile weapon, but it’s not that powerful, so…fuck it, I guess. I choose Billy all the time because Dunagrees are a good fashion choice and also if this game were bad, I could pretend I was playing a Mario game like Mario Is Missing or Hotel Mario or…wait…THOSE GAMES SUCK AS WELL…
…anyway, the main gameplay is…well, it’s a standard action game to be honest. Once you choose your characters, you run to the right punching and jump punching on palette swapped enemies to some truly fantastic music, occasionally you get a neat little bit of scenery like a park bench to throw at them, but they’re pretty uncommon. It’s brilliant the first time you do it, really good fun, but as the levels progress; it begins to get very repetitive. How repetitive? Very repetitive? Is this an inclination of how repetitive it is? Why yes, it’s very repetitive, so repetitive that [get on with it – ED]. There’s a huge amount of button bashing involved and at times the triggering of moves is off. Whilst it’s nice that if you time it right you can repeatedly kick a goon in the ghoulies, (which feels surprisingly empowering if you play as Kimberley. Not that I played as her or anything), and he can’t attack you back, they can do the same thing…with knives. It’s not pretty. The only other problems I found with this game is just how bad some of the jumping mechanics are. Yeah, whilst every awful 2D platformer I’ve played for your benefit has had sloppy mechanics, this just feels slow and un responsive when you have to jump between platforms leading to INSTA DROP!!! Also, the game never hints that you can wall jump, which makes the first instance you need it infuriating, so you don’t unleash your inner Samus by making sweet wall jumps, you unleash your rage like when you saw Other M’s cutscenes!
The game takes on 7 areas, with the first half has the kids in their normal clothes and is pretty cool, but things don’t pick up till halfway through the level when the boss shows up and promptly pisses off again, kind of saying. “I’m going to kill you now…oh shit, you’re one of those pesky kids…ciao” Also, why does the boss of level 2 carry a rake and an accordian as a weapon? That just made no sense…but then I’m spouting logic against a boss who’s an oversized garden gnome. Anyway, so the second half of the level has you in Power ranger form where you take a bit less damage and your attacks have longer range. Oh and you can use a super bomb attack that obliterates everything that is awesome. Bruce Campbell awesome.
In the end what this game is…is AWESOME. Yeah, it’s a tad repetitive with the punching and the jumping, but there’s so much fast paced energy, with some amazing music, who really gives a crap. It’s just massively good fun.