The Zero Hour

Reviews, rants and oddities on video game and film culture.

Monthly Archives: September 2010

Star Wars to be converted to 3D

That’s right, George Lucas’ space opera cash cow is getting another cinematic rerelease, this time, more digitally restored and in 3D. Now, I’ve said…too many times that I’m a big Star Wars fan (I’m wearing an X Wing T Shirt as I type this) but I’m wondering what the point is. Whilst some scenes in Star Wars are perfect for the 3D treatment, such as the Death Star trench  in IV, the duel on Mustafar in Episode III and the bit in VI when the TIE fighters ambush the Millenium Falcon (just after that line…) others…don’t. The prequels may actually be slightly redeemed due to their scenery porn over story in 3D, but I reckon Lucas will add more like Sy Snottles in Jabba’s Palace, which I could easily live without and will bring down the effect to a gimmicky waste of time and money.  But we’ve got 2 years to wait, so we’ll see.

http://www.sfx.co.uk/2010/09/29/star-wars-3d-confirmed-%E2%80%93-hu/

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A public service film from Yahtzee

Video games. They’re either cute, family friendly hastily packed shovelware for the Wii. OR CONCENTRATED EVIL THAT MUST BE DESTROYED BEFORE ALL CHILDREN PLAY IT AND MURDER/RAPE (Mape, as I’m dubbing it…actually no) EVERYONE.

That’s at least how certain sections of society see it. And to make things worse, some of those sections of society are the highest and most influential politicians of THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT! If you’re American, sign up to the Video Game Voters Network and have your say to politicians before elections end and shit hits the fan. As Yahtzee puts it in this video,

“Whilst it’s true that in the future, they’ll be remembered as fondly as those who tried to outlaw movies and novels and theatre and dancing and the same people who said the steam train would simultaneously make women die of shock in it’s wake like rows of screaming dominoes, but until that day, it’s up to us to show non gamers that just because games aren’t boring doesn’t mean they’re different to books and just because games aren’t two hours long and aren’t written by over paid chimpanzees mean they’re different from films.”

www.videogamevotersnetwork.com

GaGa fights for gay soldiers

I think this clip speaks for itself.

Jolly Farm

After getting a months trial of Adobe Premier Pro the other day (that runs out like tomorrow or something) I made a few dumb youtube videos that mostly started out with the intention of “I’m going to make a youtube poop, how hard can it be?” Anyway, so this is probably the best, head to my youtube channel for some more (should be a link to the side)

EDIT: Oh yeah, forgot to mention, because of copyright yada yada yada, the video is not available in Germany, Sorry.

Analysing Pop Songs: Blah Blah Blah – Ke$ha

It’s been a long time so newer readers (I guess that’s most of you) won’t be aware of this segment I used to do called “Analysing the lyrics of Songs I don’t like” It’s not really a catchy title, but then I planned it out for about 5 minutes…

Today we are looking at “fucking feisty” (that’s an actual quote from the woman herself, so you know this is going to be highbrow) pop artist, Kesha. No, I won’t use the dollar sign, because it’s stupid. Now, because I’m a good writer and have actually done my research, it turns out Kesha is no stranger to my analysing lyrics feature having appeared as a vocalist on Flo Rida’s Right Round. Since then she’s become “fucking feisty” and “written” (I use that term very loosely with these pop stars) a whole bunch of songs that involve getting drunk, getting laid and other no ladylike things. Are they original? No. Is she interesting enough to usurp GaGa as queen of pop? No. Are her tunes annoying as hell? You better believe it.

Oh
Ba da da da ba da da da da

Ok, we start of with this…thing. I’m not sure what the point is here…these aren’t even words.
Comin’ out your mouth with your blah blah blah
Zip your lip like a padlock
And meet me at the back with the jack and the jukebox
I don’t really care where you live at
Just turn around boy, let me hit that
Don’t be a little bitch with your chit chat
Just show me where your dicks at

Ok, I detecting a lack of subtlety in this song already. She’s very forward this “fucking feisty” girl…if you can’t understand this, she’s basically telling a guy to shut up, go to the backroom and whip out his…lady pleaser….

Musics up

Listen hot stuff
I’m in love
With this song
So just hush
Baby shut up
Heard enough

Again, she’s telling a guy to shut up, because her favourite songs on, jeez he’s already decided to sleep with you, at least let him talk over a song, you’ve probably got it on your iPod and you can listen to it when you get home.

Stop t-t-talkin’ that
Blah blah blah
Think you’ll be getting this
Nah nah nah
Not in the back of my
Car-ar-ar
If you keep talking that
Blah blah blah blah blah

Here she’s warning any potential mate that if you don’t shut up, you won’t get any. I’m thinking this woman has a problem with men speaking to her…
Boy come on get your rocks stuff
Come put a little love in my glove box
I wanna dance with no pants on, holla
Meet me in the back with the jack and the jukebox
So cut to the chase kid
‘Cause I know you don’t care what my middle name is
I’m gonna be naked
And your wasted

The first 2 lines of this stanza at least attempt at some kind of entendre that this has seriously been lacking, however naturally she balls it up (lol, puns) and simply says “I’m going to naked” which just clearly takes away any thought from the process. Usually by this point in the song, I’m fed up and have switched the radio off.
Musics up
Listen hot stuff
I’m in love
With this song
So just hush

Baby shut up
Heard enough

Stop t-t-talkin’ that
Blah blah blah
Think you’ll be getting this
Nah nah nah
Not in the back of my
Car-ar-ar
If you keep talking that
Blah blah blah blah blah

This is all the same as before, proving Kesha’s hatred of the male voice. She should meet me, I pretty much never talk in real life with people I don’t know. Actually scratch that, I don’t want to meet Kesha. Ever.
[30H!3]
You be delaying, you always sayin’ some shit
You say I’m playin’ I’m never layin the disc
Sayin blah blah blah cause I don’t care who you are
In this bar it only matters who I is

GRAMMAR MOTHERFUCKER! DO YOU KNOW IT? This is the bit where 3Oh!3 “feature” for 4 lines…that’s barely a feature at all, it’s like one of those Timbaland songs where all he contributes is the sound of a happy seal at the start. (I know he produces it…)

Stop t-t-talkin’ that
Blah blah blah
Think you’ll be getting this
Nah nah nah
Not in the back of my
Car-ar-ar
If you keep talking that
Blah blah blah blah blah

Blah blah blah
Think you’ll be getting this
Nah nah nah
Not in the back of my
Car-ar-ar
If you keep talking that
Blah blah blah blah blah

Ohh
Blah Blah Blah
Stop talking
Stop t-t-talkin’ that

SHUT UP! We get it, Kesha doesn’t want men to talk, she just wants to have glorious, probably unprotected sex with them. Good. I hope she does and she catches something, so then in future, before she has sex with them, they can actually tell her of their genital warts before hand. Maybe then she’ll stop being “fucking feisty” and actually do something worthwhile other than being the bastard lovechild of Britney and Dirty-era Christina Aguilera for the sake of it. I can’t think of a more pointless song than this. It’s idiotic, there’s no subtlety and 3OH!3 may as well have not bothered to show up as it just drags it’s annoying repetitiveness an extra 15 seconds longer. There’s not a lot here that couldn’t have been written by a sexually deranged chimp on crack. It is catchy yes, but in the same way as someone repeatedly shouting herp derp derp derp whilst smacking a tea-cup with a spoon in 4/4 time is catchy, to be honest the end result probably isn’t dis-similar.